What, exactly, is happening in the Great Melting Pot that is “Internet SM” these days, anyway?

There is a great line at the very beginning of the landmark and worshipped Rob Reiner film from 1987, The Princess Bride, in which a grandfather (the immortal Peter Falk) remarks to his flu-ridden grandson (a very young Fred Savage), “In my day, movies were called books!”. While The Princess Bride has certainly become a favorite amongst any number of worshipping SM-types (go on, I dare you: who is not familiar with either the phrase, My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die or, Life is pain, Highness! Anyone who says differently is selling something!), and will go down in history as probably one of the best fantasy book adaptations in cinematic history, I don’t believe that author William Goldman could have possibly imagined just how popular his little “adult fairy tale” was going to become. Or indeed, perhaps how prophetic. I am quite certain he had no idea his book and subsequent film (in which he wrote the screenplay) would be considered a staple on the “must haves” of DVD collections of fetishists everywhere. Life is Pain. Indeed …

Thus to paraphrase Grandfather and applying wise words to a stricken populace: “In my day, the Internet was called ‘magazines’.” At least, insofar as attempting to disseminate appropriate direction about just who, what, where, why and when SM folks are to meet and exchange information (see: “proclivities”) is concerned. Since the very early dawn of the Internet age, unheard of amounts of folk have feverishly searched through various web pages, web announcements and contact boards (or dating sites, for that matter) in an effort to instantly reach out to like-minded practitioners who may be able to invest a bit of personal time in their own immersion into sadomasochistic pursuits. The Internet, sadly, is littered with the remains of far too many over-eager men and women who made life-altering decisions based on truly nothing more than a singular interest in a sensually-based personal vehicle of expression. It is a sad thing, really, when you take the time to reflect: I am quite certain there is not a single person amongst our common lovely Community (and in that I mean SM as a whole, world-wide) who has not known the heartbreak of utter disappointment and the shattering of a prayed-for dream when, after spending “quality time” with the Master or Mistress or Slave of their dreams, comes to see their true “identity” when all the masks finally crumble from their respective faces – and the “Dream” is exposed as the “Flesh and Blood Person” that they really are. That is to say, of course, fallible … and all too human. William Goldman’s original book, The Princess Bride,  is a very “human” tale set in fantastical settings about damaged people intent on fulfilling obsessions and destinies. It is a book about the search for True Love and High Adventure – can we not claim the vast, borderless landscape known as “Cyber Land” a very appropriate parallel, then?

Over the years, more websites and contact boards have sprung up, almost daily it seems, with the noble intention of providing like-minded seekers with an appropriate and comfortable atmosphere in which to engage other interested parties in discussions involving a wide range of SM-related topics. Entire websites have been devoted to even the most peripheral of paraphilias have been established, and are well patronized by any number of searchers. Anyone with a diaper fetish who loves to be dressed as a rubber dolly, while being summarily punished with a spatula by a sadistic leather-draped Domina in a demented clown costume, is sure to find what they’re looking for if they just let their “fingers do the searching”, after all. But the larger question has always been: How do you watch over that which is unwatchable? Just how do you police the “unpoliceable” – and appropriately?

Sadly, human nature being what it is, if people were simply willing to “live and let live”, then “Cyber Land” just might be the happiest virtual kingdom on the planet. But there’s the Shakespearean rub: Even the most idyllic and seemingly blissful of phantom Kingdoms have their rats scurrying about, nibbling away at solid foundations until eventually, those blissful walls crumble – and more than one Life is left in utter ruins. There are even well-documented cases of outright murder being blamed on the influence of SM (remember the ‘Slavemaster’ episode in Kansas not all that long ago, for instance?) While we can talk about going from one extreme to the other, perhaps just taking a small step forward and reigning in the rogues influences ourselves, would be a great place to start.

To begin, as an example assuredly, it does appear that there are many out there who feel they have some kind of “Divine Right” to be recognized as a Prince or Princess (or God or Goddess, even) that it is almost impossible to instantly gauge who is reputable and respected - and who isn’t – by reading short snippets of personal descriptions (and embellishments) on any number of profiles on a myriad of endless (and some mindless) SM-related websites. The one thing that cannot be in dispute: Marquis as an entity was around before the mass advent of the Internet as the world’s largest “throbbing” mass-dating mechanism – and has grown now to foster and nurture Marquis America under the watchful eye of its original brain-trust. The transition from glossy, slick, classy and truly elegant Fetish-related store-bought periodical to an equally admirable web presence has been virtually seamless. Marquis always has been positioned as the Voice of Fetish in an increasingly demanding world, thirsting for more and more imagery and knowledge, in an even more increasingly impatient Fetish world. We all want “it”, and we want “it” instantaneously. Entire fortunes have been made – and squandered, in some cases – from other publications who didn’t take the time to foster and properly grow their own web presence in such a meticulous, calculated – and truly beneficial – process.

Some publications, long-since consigned to the dustbins of used bookstores and seedy adult “second hand” bookshops, even took to “manufacturing” phony contact ads (and in some cases even completely phantom companies) in an effort to pad their pages and try to give their publications some sense of street credibility. Those publications are long, and thankfully, gone from our collective view. Others, such as the revolutionary (and long covetted by collectors) old issues of John Willie’s Bizarre were forced out of publication by intense, artificially indignent outrage by a handful of powerful people. But the recent phenomenon remains: over the past few years, using the Internet as a largely unpoliced delivery machine, there has been an alarming number of individuals (some of whom even at one time had an enormous following of their own and were regarded as ‘respected’ and ‘authorities’) have lobbed destructive accusatory bombs in the general directions of their one-time associates and peers, in some mystifying and disconcerting effort to somehow tarnish entire reputations of some very good people. Certainly once an individual, or a corporation, opens up their publication and their very name to such an unending pool of opinionated humanity they shouldn’t be too surprised that pettiness, professional jealousy and outright mischief can often result in an equally unending parade of trials and tribulations. Some individuals in SM communities across various cities across the globe have even somehow managed to delude themselves that the fake profiles they manufacture on some of these contact websites (even though such things as spelling, grammar and punctuation are a dead giveaway as to who is the actual creator of said profile) are accepted as verbatim truth. It isn’t a coincidence that these fake profiles appear to glorify a particular individual, and are very obviously intended to give some sort of ethereal credibility to someone else rather than truly paint a realistic, individual portrait of the “original subject”. We all know them: the kind of people who make claims of having “years of experience” and are “integral parts of our communities” whom no-one had ever really heard of before suddenly showing up (usually self-trumpeting with great pomp and circumstance) across our collective electronic communal assemblies. Some of these “experts” make rather eyebrow raising claims about “being trained” in, or “heavily immersed” in, all-too-phantom “European Organizations”. I am quite sure every community can point to at least one individual who has made such claims (or worse).

There have been several open-pitched electronic battles waged between long-established entities in the SM world (who seem to believe that the world should conform and change to them rather than – Goddess forbid! – they actually learn to change with the world around them) and newer, more technically-savvy dedicated providers. “Old School” advertisements used to take a far more “mystical and mysterious” approach – and give little to nothing to hint of the “attitude” that may lay quietly (or disquietly, in some cases of course) beneath the veneer exhibited by a meer black and white advertisement in the tattered pages of a newsprint periodical. One long-time self-acclaimed “expert” (who has been at the forefront of SM video production and SM magazine publication for decades) has managed to become a very sad example of exactly what not to be in this modern world by launching a one-person, extremely vindictive (and potentially extremely dangerous) open attack on one particular and extremely popular SM-oriented website and that website’s founders. The accusations being published by this individual for all to see on the Internet are extremely inflammatory, and could be considered outright libel and slander. It is very obvious this one individual is waging too personal a war in too controversial a way over an over-exposed and emphasized perception of an intended slight (how many of us out there already know similar stories, hmm?) – and the truth is, this person’s “efforts” to denigrate an entire website and every one of its members by association with a baseless and (what appears to be) entirely false accusation does appear to be having a modicum of effect. This person’s rantings and ravings across various “free” web portals and services are being read everyday – and there isn’t anyone, or anything, able to issue a “cease and desist order” to prevent her from doing so. (Note: The photo is for reference purposes only and is not in anyway reflective of the individual being referred to in this article.)

Not even the threat of legal repercussions for slander and libel appears to be much of a threat to these kinds of people: At present, the moment a website accepts advertising content on its pages, they are regarded as a publisher, and as a publisher they are liable for the content allowed to be viewed and digested on their systems. Ironically, some of these web portals are such gargantuan entities unto themselves that the very notion of taking them to court for allowing the publication of slanderous and libellous comments is ludicrous unto itself: these giants have far more legal resources at their disposal than nearly anyone else and there simply isn’t a hope that such actions will bear satisfactory fruit. That, in itself, is truly a conundrum, and a problem. It means that those who wish to wage war and do “ill will”, regardless of what “the truth” is, are perfectly free – and able – to do so with little fear of repercussion and little “policing” unless its under the auspices of their own peers. That itself rarely, if ever, truly silences a maverick voice intent on wanton verbal destruction and desecration. Usually, those large web portals give users the right to create their own “groups” and “webpages” that are difficult and usually impossible to monitor and (in extreme cases) outright censor. The rule of thumb appears to be: unless the “group” or “web page” is an open advocate of outright illegal activity, the providers will tend to leave them alone and let them spew their venom for all to unfortunately digest – and human nature being what it is, while the vast majority of readers will dismiss some of these missives as the rantings of an angry, dispossessed and/or jaded individual, the “message” will hit intended targets and stick in some minds. Opinions will therefore be formed – right or wrong – and wrongful, dangerous information thus gets perpetrated, ad nauseum, until the lines of reality are truly too blurred to even attempt to try and disengage the “truth” … from “fantasy’. At least the “old school” publications had a sense of decorum to live up to – as “dated” as they appear to us “modern agers” now, those old newsprint periodicals at least served a valuable purpose in what appears to be a more respectful (and less “knee-jerk reactionary”) time that what we’re collectively exposed to today.

In the one instance (as noted above), the person waging their “War” against one particular website has resorted to such dangerous tactics under the troubling “grey area” of matters of legality: and this is a “War” in which no one in our lovely little peculiar institution could possible be declared as a ”victor”. We  all stand to lose … and eventually, we all may if the Internet continues to become more and more censored, and closed to all “alternative minded folk” – and all because someone got their knickers in a knot when another dared to disagree with them. Or worse: take the steps necessary to remove the original offender from everyone’s sphere of influence, and justifiably. How, then, can we possibly “police” ourselves? Are we therefore consigned to a simple waiting process? It seems like it’s only a matter of time before “government” raises its huge hand and lowers the “Censorship Boom” on all of us …

… unless this particular phantom “Vernacular Holocaust” can somehow be avoided in the future by all of us being a little more vigilant: we can’t stop these people from unleashing their indignity and hatred upon their peers and colleagues. But, we can certainly and collectively ignore them. I, for one, know that that works: Some people stopped reading my own rantings and ravings years ago, until I “wised up” and realized I could do far more “good” for the world-wide SM Community by being objective and fair than by being petty and personally vindictive.

I do hope everyone with a war to wage, eventually, comes to that realization. We’ll all be the better for it.